


Wake Up, My Heart

by nicolec_33



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:00:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24684970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicolec_33/pseuds/nicolec_33
Summary: Christen is the CEO of her own interior design company, who has been out of the dating scene for a while because of something that happened in her past. What will it take for her to find love?
Relationships: Ashlyn Harris/Ali Krieger, Tobin Heath/Christen Press, Zach Ertz/Julie Johnston
Comments: 23
Kudos: 170





	1. Old Routines and New Clients

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a fic... forgive me if it sucks lol, I'm doing my best. That being said, I'll take any criticism you throw at me- I'm definitely trying to get better. Enjoy!

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Christen is jolted awake by the blaring alarm on her phone.

It is just like any other Tuesday. The alarm goes off at 6:30 and Christen wakes up in her bed alone, the early morning sun streaming through her windows. She turns off her alarm and slips out of bed, her feet meeting the cold hardwood floor.

Morena jumps up from her bed in the corner of the room when she sees Christen is awake, and follows her down the hall to be let outside. Christen pours dog food into a dish as she waits for Morena to come back in, and when she does she closes the door behind her and walks back down the hall to get ready for the morning.

She had her morning skincare routine set out on her bathroom counter, and her clothes that she picked out the night before set on the chair in the corner of her room next to the window. For now though, she brushes her teeth and puts her hair up in a messy bun before changing into a maroon and white sports bra with matching leggings. She walks back into her living room and starts her Keurig before putting on her sneakers and grabbing a leash. All apart of her daily process. The repetitiveness calms her. She is in control. She knows what to expect.

“Morena! Come here girl!” she calls, and soon she hears the clatter of her paws running towards her. “Hi baby! Are you ready to go?”

Morena runs around the room once before skidding to a stop in front of Christen and sitting down, thumping her tail on the ground.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Christen laughs while clipping the leash to her dog’s collar. She grabs her coffee in a to-go mug and puts one of her yoga mats in her bag before slinging it over her shoulder and glancing at her watch. “It’s 6:50, perfect”.

Christen and Morena make their way down the sidewalk towards the beach. One of the many reasons why Christen chose to live in the little one-story house that she has is the proximity to the beach; a quick ten-minute walk.

Christen likes her life to be planned. Organized. It keeps her sane, with the hectic world around her. And it makes her more efficient, so what’s the harm? Sure, sometimes it irks people, but Christen couldn’t care less about what other people think of her (slightly obsessive) need to plan. So, at exactly 7:00 am she strolls onto the beach to start her morning yoga and meditation. Not before setting an alarm on her phone for 45 minutes later, of course.

She listens to the waves crashing and the seagulls calling to each other as the sun rises higher in the sky, covering her skin in glowing amber. She lets peace wash over her like the water over the sand, and she breathes in and out slowly, centering herself. She opens her eyes and looks out into the ocean, lazily allowing her eyes to follow a surfer swimming out to sea and then catching a wave. She notices the joyous smile on the surfer’s face, and wonders to herself what it must be like to feel that _free_.

Morena gets up from her spot in the sand and Christen looks at the time, noting that she has another 20 minutes until she needed to start walking back to her house and deciding (rather spontaneously, if she must admit) that she has time for a quick run on the beach.

The run feels good. It reminds her of the times as a kid that she would go sprinting around the beach with her sisters and her mother. Oh, how times have changed. Her mind wanders down that broken road for a moment, but before it gets too far–

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

Another alarm, signaling the timed end to her morning at the beach.

“Morena! Let’s go home!” Christen calls, turning and grabbing her things where she left them in the sand. Morena jogs up happily, and Christen checks her watch to make sure she’s on time before heading back.

She walks in her door at 8:00, setting an alarm for an hour later when she needs to start work. As an interior designer and CEO of her own business called _Impressions_ , she can work remotely if she chooses to. However, she still goes into her office for meetings, presentations, and regular check-ins with the other designers and employees.

\---

At precisely 9:00, she is sitting down in the large leather chair of her house office, and opening her computer to get ready for work. To Christen, the work of interior design is extremely satisfying and almost therapeutic, when everything goes right. She loves picking out fabrics and textures that go well together, and putting them into a tidy collage to sell an idea to a client. She has become well known, and is often sought out by celebrities designing their homes, or high-end hotels and restaurants that want a new look. She has even collaborated to design sets for fashion shows, and spaces for museums.

Her office is perfect to her. There is plenty of natural sunlight, with plants perching on the windowsill and the bookshelf that wraps around half of the room. She has everything organized perfectly, so that she can easily find a book that she is looking for in search of inspiration, and she knows just what drawer any fabric with any texture would be in. She _might_ have gone a little crazy with her label-making machine, but this is her private space- she can do whatever she wants.

After working on her newest project for a while, she gets a call.

“Hello, this is Christen Press speaking”

“Hey Christen! My name is Ashlyn Harris, and I heard about you from my friend Megan Rapinoe? I’m moving into a new home soon so she told me to check out your website and I must say, I’m impressed! Do you think you could help me out?”

“Well thank you Ashlyn, if you are interested we could meet for coffee or something, just to discuss your vision or see if anything from the website caught your eye. If you have any pictures of the house that I could see, that would be great. If you decide you want me to design some spaces I would have to go there to get some measurements and things, but to start pictures should be fine to get an idea of what could be done.”

“That sounds great!”

“Okay, well you can let me know when you are available, I can meet any time between 11:00am and 4:00pm on Thursday; thankfully my job allows me to have a pretty flexible schedule. Just text me a time and place!”

“Damn Christen you are a literal saint. Alright, I’ll get back to you about that by tonight”

“Alright, I look forward to hearing from you Ashlyn.”

“Yup! Okay talk to you soon!”

“Bye, have a great day.”

Christen hangs up her phone and, seeing that it was almost 1:30pm already, decides to make herself lunch. She allows herself to have a little break when she’s done eating, letting Morena out for a few minutes before getting back to work.

She has to present some ideas to a client the next day who insists that since forest green and neon orange are his favorite colors, they should be incorporated into the design of his new living room. It makes her cringe just thinking about how the colors would clash, so she is doing her best to find a way to have hints of the color so that the client would be satisfied, but houseguests would not run the other way screaming when they entered. That is always the goal, right?

\---

**_[Unknown Number]_ **   
_Hey Christen this is Ashlyn Harris. Can we meet at 1pm on Thursday? And how do you feel about that sushi place on 5th street?_

**_[Christen Press]_ **   
_That sounds great, I love sushi. See you then :)_

**_[Ashlyn Harris]_ **   
_I’m so fucking excited._

Christen laughs to herself as she opens the message. Ashlyn is certainly going to be an interesting client to work with, even based on the small amount of interaction she’s had with her. Before she could put her phone away to continue to clean up the remnants of her dinner, a new message appears on her screen.

**_[The Bestest Bitch]_ **   
_Christen!!! I just ran away from this date and let me tell you. It was the shittiest movie with even worse company. She literally did not shut up the whole time and would laugh at parts that weren’t funny… I think she was doing it just so she had an excuse to touch me. Anyway, I told her I was going to the bathroom and kinda just left, so I’m on my way with ice cream and we’re gonna cry about it._

**_[Chrissyyy]_ **   
_It sounds like I don’t get a say in this, so come on over I guess_

**_[The Bestest Bitch]_ **   
_You should know by now… su casa es mi casa_

**_[_ _Chrissyyy]_ **   
_That is definitely not how it goes._

**_[The Bestest Bitch]_ **   
_Well excuuuuse me, I’m not bilingual. See you soon ;)_

Christen chuckles to herself and looks at the time, seeing that it is almost 9pm. She definitely won’t be getting into bed at 9:30 tonight like she usually does, preferring to spend her evenings reading a book or watching a movie than going out and socializing.

\---

As usual, Kelley just waltzed right into Christen’s house when she got there.

“Chriiiiisteeen” Kelley sings “I’m hoooome”

“If this is your home, then you can help pay some of my bills!” Christen shoots back with a smile

“Ouch. It hurts not to feel wanted” Kelley pouts.

“Oh Kel, you’re always wanted. Well– usually. You know how annoying you get sometimes” Christen grins before opening her arms for a hug.

Kelley laughs, putting the bag with the ice cream down on the kitchen table before throwing her arms around Christen “missed you” she mumbles into the taller girl’s shoulder.

“I missed you too. How long has it been? Three days?” Christen jokes, squeezing Kelley a little harder for a second.

“Too long. It has been too long.” Kelley sighs dramatically and pulls away from the hug. “Alright. Ice cream time!”

\---

Christen wakes up the next morning feeling groggy. She groans as she stretches, realizing that she is only at the halfway point in the week. She lazily gets out of bed, cursing herself for staying up well past when she normally would the night before, knowing that she had to be up early the next day and asks herself for the millionth time why she tolerates Kelley.

Her best friend had stayed late last night, well past when the remnants of their ice cream had melted in their bowls, as her and Christen laughed and swapped stories about horrible dates they’ve been on. This inevitably lead to a conversation about Christen’s love life, which was non-existent at the moment.

_“You haven’t even gone on a date since Evelyn. What, are you hung up on her or something? It’s been months.” Kelley questioned_

_“No! God, no. She was horrible. I just– I think I need some time to myself. Plus, I’ve been busy with work” Christen argued_

_“You’re always busy with work. And who says you need to stop taking time for yourself in order to go on dates and have fun? Its not like I’m telling you to get married. I just think you should get out more” Kelley leaned over and put her hand on Christen’s shoulder, “you know I worry about you”_

_“Yeah, I guess it couldn’t hurt. But seriously Kel, I’m not looking for a relationship. So don’t go trying to set me up with some cute girl you met at the gym last week” Christen spoke sternly with a smirk._

_“That was one time! I thought you guys would hit it off…” Kelley rolled her eyes with a huff_

_Christen smiled, but her eyes were serious when she said “I’m just saying, please don’t try to push me.”_

_Kelley looked at her best friend with love “You know I never want to hurt you, Chrissy”_

Christen groans as she remembers that she agreed to go out with Kelley this Friday night. She could already picture Kelley elbowing her and looking at her with her eyebrows raised whenever a pretty girl so much as let her gaze linger on Christen. But she knows that her best friend has good intentions, and she really should stop isolating herself so much. Sometimes she thinks that maybe Evelyn was right. Maybe she wasn’t positive enough, and it dragged everyone else around her down too…

Before her thoughts could spiral too much more, Christen continues with her routine; let Morena out, feed her, prepare herself for her day, and go to the beach for her morning meditation and yoga. As always, she sets alarms for herself to ensure that she would complete every task in a timely manner, and that she would not get behind in her plans for the day.

By the time she made it back to her house and got ready for the day it was 9:00, so she sits down at her desk and goes through some designs that she had come up with for the client that she was meeting with in a few hours. The man was persistent with what he wanted, but had horrible taste. She cringed while thinking about the type of room that her client described to her, and glances at her current sketches, feeling satisfied that what she had designed would quell his need for the clashing colors, while still making the room look stylistically appealing. She just hoped he would agree with her.

\---

Christen shook her head as she walked away from the house. Of course, the Client From Hell didn’t think that the design of the room had enough orange in it. She wonders if maybe the man is _trying_ to get people to dislike the space, and therefore not want to visit. Honestly, it was a pretty good idea. If people were blinded by the hideous décor as soon as they stepped foot into his home, he wouldn’t have to worry about people stopping by unannounced (cue: Kelley) because nobody in their right mind would want to look at it unless they were forced to.

She decides to stop by the office for the rest of the day to check in on how things are running. When she opens the door to _Impressions_ she is greeted with a bright smile by the ever-cheerful intern Mal. “Hey Christen! How are you?”

“Hey Mal! I’m alright, I just got back from meeting with a somewhat difficult client, but that’s how it goes. I’ll see you later!” Christen smiled sweetly and waved to Mal before walking to her office.

On her way, she stops by the large creative room that Ali works from, which holds all sorts of different color tabs, fabrics, wood pieces, tile samples, and more that allows for great visualizations when planning out a space. Ali is sitting at her desk, surrounded by different pieces of marble that is was matching with paint colors for a client who is redoing their kitchen. The music playing from the speakers in the room prevents her from hearing Christen’s footsteps as she comes into the room, so she is a little shocked when her boss appears next to her.

“Christen! Damn, warn a girl before you sneak up on her” Ali exclaims with a laugh

“Hey Ali” Christen smiles, “I’ll keep that in mind. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that client I mentioned to you the other day? He wants some specific colors to be used in the design, but they clash like hell… I was hoping you could help me pick out some neutral paint and flooring, so that we could decorate the room with pieces that have accents of those colors.”

“That sounds like a good idea, were you able to convince him to do that rather than just paint one of the walls orange like he wanted?” Ali asks while pulling up the file for the client on her computer

“Yeah, and I agreed to meet with him tomorrow morning at 10 with some samples for the floors and walls so that we can get this thing started as soon as possible. Would you be able to join me?”

Ali opens her schedule on her phone, “Yeah, that’s fine! My schedule is actually pretty flexible tomorrow. I just have to get to a site at 3 to finish up some painting. Until then I’m all yours!”

“Awesome. You have the address there, right?” Christen says, gesturing to the computer screen

“Yup, I’ll see you there tomorrow at 10.” Ali nods

“Thanks Ali! I’ll be in my office if you need me” Christen smiles before walking out of the room

\---

Thursday morning goes by without a hitch. Ali and Christen meet with the client and discuss the options for his room, and Christen finds that he is much more bearable when she has had a proper amount of sleep. Also, it didn’t hurt that his girlfriend was there, convincing him to be a little more lenient on the color choices. Soon enough, Christen looks at her watch and sees that she should be leaving for lunch with Ashlyn shortly.

“Hey Ali, I need to go see a potential client. It’s a casual meeting, just lunch at that sushi place on 5th street. Do you want to come with me?” Christen asks while texting Ashlyn to confirm their plans

Ali turns around to glance at Christen “Sure! I can never turn down an offer for sushi. Did you drive here?” Christen nods, “do you mind if I catch a ride with you? My brother is in town and he’s using my car, so I got an uber here”

“No not at all, I can fill you in a little on the way there” Christen says as she moves to grab her purse and her computer bag before saying goodbye to their client and walking towards the door.

\---

Christen texts Ashlyn as soon as she parks her car and starts walking towards the sushi restaurant. She checks the time and see that it is 12:50; perfect timing (as usual).

**_[Christen Press]_ **   
_Hey Ashlyn, I am walking up to the sushi place now. Don’t worry if you aren’t there yet, I’m always a little early to things._

**_[Ashlyn Harris]_ **   
_I’m never early, but I made an exception for you! I’m sitting at a booth in the back right corner. I have blonde hair and a shit ton of tattoos– you can’t miss me ;)_

Christen scans the room when she walks into the restaurant, sure enough finding Ashlyn sitting where she said she was. She didn’t exaggerate- she did indeed have a shit ton of tattoos. Christen did not have any herself, but she could certainly appreciate the display of artistry that tattoos usually showed, and this time is no different. She glances over at Ali to comment on them, but stops herself when she sees the look in her friend’s eyes.

Ali is staring a little too much, so Christen elbows her lightly before clearing her throat and looking back at Ashlyn, who is still preoccupied on her phone and hasn’t yet noticed the new presence.

“Hey, Ashlyn?” Ashlyn looks up and grins “I’m Christen Press, and this is my colleague Ali Kreiger”

“Christen! It is so great to see you” Ashlyn extends her hand, and Christen shakes it firmly. “And hi Ali, uh, you’re great to see too. Uh– I mean, it is nice to meet you. I’m Ashlyn.” she blushes as she fumbles over her words

“Hi Ashlyn, it’s nice to meet you too” Ali smiles sweetly and reaches out to shake Ashlyn’s hand.

They take their seats at the booth, with Christen sitting next to Ashlyn and Ali sitting across from them. The lunch continues smoothly, but Christen would be lying if she said she didn’t notice Ali and Ashlyn stealing glances at each other the whole time. Christen had an unspoken _no sleeping with clients_ rule in her company, but eventually every project gets finished and every person stops being a client. However, she just had a feeling that the rule might get broken sooner rather than later with the way Ali’s eyes have been tracing the tattooed skin of Ashlyn’s arms. She shook her head and smiles to herself.

By the end of the lunch, Ashlyn confirms that she wants Christen to help design some rooms that need renovated in her new house, and they decide to meet again at the house the next Monday to get a feel for what some designs would look like in the space, and to take measurements. Ali offers to come as well, and Christen thinks it is not just because she wants to see what paint swatches look the best in the house based on the lighting and the color themes that are there already.

\---

Friday passes in a blur, as it always does. Somehow, the first half of the week always seems to drag on, while Fridays fly by in a mess of final touches on projects that are being finished that week, and stopping points for ones that will be set aside for the weekend. It is almost as if while the beginning of the week are the slow and painful stretches, Friday is the warmup lap that prepares you for the sprinting pace at which the weekend seems to travel in.

Soon enough, Christen is getting ready to meet Kelley out at some bar she had chosen to be her victim for the night. She contemplates what to wear for a while. It wouldn’t have been such a struggle a few years ago, but it has been so long since she has been out, Christen finds herself questioning every outfit she sets on her bed. Eventually, she decides to wear simple black skinny jeans with a forest green crop top, paired with gold hoop earrings and a simple gold necklace and rings. She straightens her hair and puts on some light makeup, before glancing at herself once more in the mirror, checking the time, taking a deep breath, and walking out the door.

\---

Christen walks into the bar and almost immediately feels uncomfortable. Eyes trace her figure like children playing connect the dots, and she shrinks under the stare of strangers. Soon though, a familiar weight is around her shoulders.

“Chris! You’re here!” Kelly says as she squeezes her tight. “Come on, I brought a few other friends with me, we’re sitting at a table over there”

Christen nods and follows her best friend, urging herself to take a deep breath and relax. _Its not like you haven’t done this before. This used to be your routine. You can do this._

Kelly arrives at a high table with a few people sitting at it, and opens her arms in a grand gesture. “Chrissy, these are my people. People, this is Christen aka my bestest friend ever!” she grins as Christen waves shyly. “Okay so this-“ Kelley points at a blonde girl sitting closest to them “is Emily Sonnett. But we just call her Sonnett or Sonny. Next to her is Rose, and then there is Sam at the end. Alright girls, make some room!”

Christen looks at the three girls and commits their names to memory, silently thanking Kelley for keeping the group small for tonight. They all start talking, and eventually Christen joins in on the conversation that has her doubling over in laughter as the food and drinks continue to come. She is having a great time, and wonders to herself why she has been avoiding this for so long.

Kelley and Sonnett are in a heated “discussion” about if fruit is better cooked inside of pancakes or placed on top, so Christen decides to get up and go to the bar for more drinks. As she stands there waiting, a man walks up to her and stands just a little too close.

“What is a pretty little lady like you doing at this bar all alone?” He asks, leaning towards her

She cringes, smelling the alcohol on his breath. “Actually, I’m here with my friends.”

“Well darlin’, what do you say I introduce you to _my_ little friend” he husks as he puts one hand on her back and takes a step so that he is impossibly close to her

Christen leans away, grimacing at the innuendo and forwardness of the man. She tries to take a step backwards but he wraps his arm around her hip to stop her. Suddenly, someone is grabbing her wrist and pulling her further away from him. “Girl, there you are! I’ve been looking for you!” A short woman with a reassuring smile is looking up at her with kind eyes.

“Uh, yeah I was just trying to order some drinks but maybe I should just get water.” Christen states, desperately trying to convey how much she wanted to leave the situation.

“Honey, we have plenty of drinks and water back at the table. Lets go.” The mystery woman says squeezing her hand once before leading her away from the man. She looks back at Christen once they get far enough away. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just– I haven’t been out in a while and I kinda forgot how pushy men can be.” Christen says as she looks down, ashamed.

“Yeah, men are pigs. I’m Crystal, by the way.”

“I’m Christen. Thank you so much for that.”

“No problem, I’m just glad I overheard that awful comment he made and was able to help a little. Not that I think you couldn’t handle yourself, but us girls gotta stick together. Hey, why don’t you come join me and some of my friends? We’re at a table just over there.” Crystal points towards the back of the bar

“Thank you for the offer Crystal but I actually think I’m going to call it a night. Let me get your number and I’ll buy you and your friends a drink sometime as a thank you.” Christen says as she hands over her phone

“Awww you are so sweet! You are welcome to hang with us anytime” Crystal smiles “I hope you have a great night Christen”

“Thanks, you too” Christen waves as she walks away, deciding to go to the bathroom before saying goodbye to Kelley and “her people” and finding out who won the pancake debate and then finally going home to her warm bed and her snuggly dog.

As she opens the door to the bathroom, she sees someone reapplying mascara and humming along to the music playing. She has dark brown wavy hair, and when the pale green eyes meet hers in the reflection of the mirror, Christen freezes.

It comes flooding back to her. Her smile, her laugh. Screeching tires, people screaming, and blood. So much blood. The way she would sing as loud as she could as she danced around her room. Breaking glass, wailing sirens, radio calls. That panicked look in her eyes that will haunt Christen forever. Then static. The shaking and spinning world goes black and the chaos goes silent.

_This is why I don’t go out anymore._


	2. Discovering History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while to post! I was super busy for most of the summer but I should have more time now, if people are interested in me continuing this. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Christen’s world is spinning. She doesn’t really know how, but she manages to get out of the bar. The next thing she knows she is collapsing onto her couch, unable to catch her breath or stop the waves of panic that are crashing through her body. Her heart is beating so fast she wonders if this is how she’ll die.

Shaking hands grip the blanket that she had curled herself into and she squeezes her eyes shut willing her mind to stop terrorizing her and for her memory to erase the moments that she can’t un-see.

Soon, she hears the sound of her front door opening, Morena’s paws clattering against the floor as she greets the newcomer.

“Hello?” Kelley walks further into the house before her eyes fall on the mass curled up on the couch. Her heart sinks. “Shit! Chris, what happened?” Kelley asks as she rushes to the couch and immediately wraps her friend into as tight of a hug as she can manage with the awkward angle.

Christen’s body is shaking and Kelley can hear her ragged breaths. She maneuvers Christen’s body so that she can sit behind her and pull her into her lap, wrapping her arms around her waist.

“Chris, I need you to breathe with me, okay? In… and out… In… and out…” Kelley continues to get Christen to steady her breathing, doing her best to calm her down from her panic attack. “You’re doing so well Chrissy. You are safe here. Everything will be okay, I’ve got you” Kelley murmurs, rocking her back and forth and squeezing her tight.

“I saw her, Kel. I swear I did” Christen chokes out, fresh tears falling from her eyes.

Kelley turns her friend in her lap so that she could look her in the eyes “Who did you see, Chris?”

“I– I saw Tyler. She was right there. She was so _real_ ” Christen’s voice cracks and she buries her her face in her hands and starts sobbing again.

Kelley just holds her friend and lets her cry, knowing there is nothing that can be said in this moment.

\---

Christen wakes up slightly disoriented in her bed with a heavy weight on her. She panics for a moment before opening her eyes and seeing her best friend lying next to her, a strong grip around her waist. She closes her eyes as the emotions of the night overwhelm her again, and shifts to press her face into Kelley’s shoulder.

Kelley must’ve felt Christen move, because she squeezes her tighter, as if protecting her from every evil of the world. “G’morning Chris” she mumbles, “I’m here when you want to talk. I can make us breakfast too.”

Christen takes a deep breath before lifting up her head to look at her friend. “That would be great. Let me take a shower first, I feel gross.”

Kelley leans back and stretches, before climbing out of the bed and messing with her wild looking hair “alrighty chica, I’ll get breakfast started. Just come out when you’re ready.”

Christen knows that Kelley is both implying that she should come out when she is done showing, and when she is ready to talk. She shoots Kelley a small smile and nods. “Sounds good, thank you”

\---

Christen pads out into her kitchen in an oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, her curls framing her face in an unruly fashion, having been too lazy to tame them today.

Kelley is hard at work making scrambled eggs and hashbrowns with turkey bacon while dancing around to the pop song playing from Christen’s Bluetooth speaker. When she sees Christen she turns down the music and puts the spatula she’s holding on the counter. “Hey Chris, breakfast should be ready in a minute. Do you mind grabbing plates, cups, and silverware?”

Christen nods and moves to carry out the tasks, and soon enough Kelley is putting the food on her plate and plopping down in the seat across from her. She changes the music to something more chill and relaxing, but doesn’t start a conversation, knowing that Christen will start talking when she is ready.

Christen finishes her food and pushes her plate a few inches away from herself so that she can fold her hands on the table, looking down at them. She takes a deep breath, before beginning to talk. “I thought I saw her and for a second it’s like it wasn’t real. It’s like all of the funeral preparations, the black dresses, the flowers, the settling of the estate, the will, the choosing of the casket– all of it, was just a dream. Or rather, a nightmare. I think I have tried to convince myself so many times that it was all just a cruel joke. That they will walk around the corner one day with a smile and say ‘surprise!’ and I’ll hate them for it but we’ll laugh and get pizza and have a girls’ night where we watch a movie and eat way too much chocolate” tears start running down Christen’s cheeks as she pours out what has been going through her mind, Kelley knowing that she can do nothing more than just sit and listen.

“I don’t think I told you this but I used to catch myself doing things out of habit, like turning onto Tyler’s road on my way home from work or impulsively buying my mom’s favorite ice cream when I saw it in the store because it’s not always in stock. I would think that I hear their voice or their laugh in a crowd and I would turn to look for them, and every time I remember that they really are gone, my heart breaks a little more. Every time I do a simple task that reminds me of them, I realize that I will never get to do it with them again. I will never get to do _anything_ with them again. They are _gone_. _Dead._ ” Christen’s voice cracks and she raises her eyes to meet Kelley’s.

“Sometimes I feel like I am losing them. Forgetting exactly how their voice sounded or how their hugs felt. I can’t always remember what my mom smelled like unless I catch a whiff of her perfume somewhere and then I feel like I get hit with this overwhelming emotion all over again. I don’t remember exactly what Tyler’s hand felt like when she would hold mine if I was anxious. But when I reach for her in those moments only to remember that she isn’t here I feel so lost. I feel alone. God, Kelley. I feel so broken and lost and _lonely_ ”

Kelley just gets up and pulls Christen over to the couch where she sits down and holds her tightly. “Chris, I know there is nothing I can do or say to bring them back or make you feel better but I love you so much, and I am here for you; any day and any hour. Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean you are alone. You are so fucking strong Chrissy, I literally cannot comprehend it. You are an inspiration to me every day, I hope you know that. Just let me know what I can do for you, okay?”

Christen nods and looked at Kelley with a tearful smile, and asks “can we go see them today?” in a small voice.

“Of course, Chrissy. Of course. Just let me know when you want to leave, I’ll clean up breakfast and then I’ll be ready.” Kelley responds, shifting to get up and start putting the plates in the sink.

“Thank you, Kel. I love you.”

“I love you too Chris. More than you know.”

\---

Kelley and Christen spend the rest of the afternoon going to visit the gravesites of her older sister Tyler and her mother Stacey, who died in a car crash almost two years prior. Christen was in the back seat of the car when a drunk driver collided with them head on, killing her mother instantly and fatally wounding her sister, who ended up passing away in the hospital shortly after the accident.

Christen will never be the same, but knows that her mother and sister would want her to live her life to the fullest and honor them through her kindness and generosity, so she does her best to make them proud. But sometimes it is easier said than done.

By the time the night came, Christen was halfway through a half gallon of ice cream, watching _The Sound of Music_ because it was a classic in her family when she was growing up. Kelly had gone home after making sure Christen would be okay and had gotten enough to eat, and soon she was asleep on her couch, lacking the motivation she needed to get up and walk to her room.

Christen tossed and turned throughout the night but when she finally opens her eyes there is light filtering through the windows, signaling the start to a new day. _Wait_ Christen thinks, _that is too much light_. And sure enough, when Christen’s eyes land on the clock, she sees it’s almost 10pm.

“Shit!”

Christen jolts up and frantically looks around the room. There are dirty dishes on the table, and everything seems out of place. Her breathing grows rapid and she starts to feel dizzy with the overwhelming thoughts racing through her mind, until she feels Morena’s head in her lap. She takes a few breaths to center herself more, and then starts her morning routine despite it being a little late. Even after she’s done feeding Morena and taking a shower, she feels uneasy. So naturally, she starts to clean and organize her house, hoping it would make her feel better.

Soon, Christen is making sure that every surface is clean, every book perfectly placed, and every couch and chair aligned perfectly. She picks every dead leaf and flower off of her house plants, and wipes every decoration and picture frame hanging on the wall.

_Damn, I’m legitimately insane_ she thinks to herself as she continues to clean. She knows she has some problems with control and cleanliness, but she can’t bring herself to seek help. _It really isn’t that bad. I mean, some people who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can hardly function throughout the day. I have a job. I take care of my dog. It’s not that bad… right?_

Though, she has to admit that it has gotten steadily worse over the last few years. She often finds herself thinking about the night of the accident. If she had just taken a little longer to put her shoes on, or fix her bedsheets before they left, maybe they would still be alive. So of course she feels the need to make sure everything is perfect before she leaves her house. Who wouldn’t? _No. I’m not insane. I’m totally fine._

\---

The next day, Christen is excited to meet with Ashlyn again. She walks into _Impressions_ with a few cups of coffee and some donuts in hand, determined to start the week off on the right note.

“Good morning Chris! What do you have there?” Ali asks from where she was standing in the lobby area talking to Mal, moving towards Christen to help her

“Thanks Al, do you mind stopping by my office later? I want to ask you about something.”

Ali looks at her quizzically before nodding and taking a bite out of her donut.

“Ooooooh somebody is in troubleeeee” Mal sneers with a twinkle in her eye

“Shut up Mal” Ali says, rolling her eyes. Christen laughs at both of them before grabbing the rest of the donuts and coffee to bring back to Julie and Zach in their workshop.

“Oh my god Christen, you are a lifesaver!” Julie squeals when she sees her boss

“I’m not sure about that Jules, but I’m glad I’m good for something” Christen laughs “how are things back here? Do you need anything?”

“I mean, donuts and coffee every day wouldn’t hurt” Zach comments as he approaches the women

“Yeah yeah, in your dreams Ertz” Christen shoots back

“Honestly through, we’ll have to our supplies and get back to you. The only thing I can think of is that the belt on the drum sander is getting a little worn, but I can make a list for you by tomorrow.”

“That would be great Zach, thanks.”

“No, thank YOU!” Julie exclaims with a mouthful of her donut

Christen just smiles and heads back to her office. Soon, she hears a knock on her door.

“Come in!”

Ali steps into the room and shuts the door behind her before sitting in a comfortable leather chair across from Christen. “Hey, you wanted to see me?”

“Yeah, it’s nothing serious. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me today to see that client Ashlyn that we met with last week? I’m going to check out her new house today, and I thought maybe you could come and help decide what color schemes would look best based on the lighting of the place. I mean, Ashlyn wants the place to look perfect, and I have a feeling that you think she’s not too hard on the eyes either” Christen says with a smirk

“I– I mean–“

“It’s alright Ali, I’m just messing with you. You know nothing can happen while she’s our client, but after that I really don’t care who you drool over.”

“Hey! I was not that obvious!”

“Are you sure? I thought I saw a little something coming from your mouth, and that was before the sushi came out!” Christen teases

“Okay, okay. I think she’s really fucking hot. And I wouldn’t mind seeing her again so if you’re offering to have me go with you, I certainly won’t turn that down. But I’ll keep it professional, I promise.”

“I know you will. And for what it’s worth, I think she was pretty into you too.”

Ali’s eyes widen. “You think so?”

“Yeah, you moron. She could hardly speak when she first looked at you. Now go get ready, we’re leaving in an hour.”

Ali nods and leaves the room, still looking a little bewildered.

\---

Later that day Ali and Christen brainstorm ideas with Ashlyn, and decide that they could have a virtual layout of what the house would look like by Friday.

“In fact” Christen mentions, “if you like the way everything looks on Friday, we could probably start the demolition and reconstruction by the next week. If we meet here again, I’ll have our contractors Zach and Julie come out and take a look at the place. But judging by your preferences, I’d say that not much reconstruction will be needed- the bare structure of the house looks pretty good already.”

“This is awesome! I can’t thank you enough for all of this. I’m beyond excited to get started” Ashlyn says as she bounces on her feet like a child waiting for their candy.

“I have to say, I’m pretty excited too” Ali says. “This is an awesome house, and you’ve been such a great client to work with.” Ali blushes a little, realizing that her statement might’ve been a little bold.

Ashlyn just smiles and looks around the room distractedly. “I can already picture the parties that we’re going to have here. You both are coming to the christening of this house, I hope you know that. There is no way you’re getting out of it!”

Christen shakes her head and giggles at her new friend, knowing that it would take a miracle to get her to a party, and at a client’s house no less. “Yeah, we’ll see about that. I can have an estimate written up for Friday as well, ok? Just let me know what time works for you, and then we can go from there.”

“That sounds awesome Christen, thank you!” Ashlyn says before leading the other two women back to the door “see you Friday!”

\---

The week passes by quickly, and soon enough Christen is on Ashlyn’s doorstep again, this time with Julie and Zach behind her. Although she knows that Ali wouldn’t mind seeing Ashlyn again, Christen did not feel right taking her from her work when she didn’t need to tag along.

Both Julie and Zach agree that not much work would need to be done on their end, aside from a little renovation and a few pieces of custom furniture, and decide to start the next week. Christen couldn’t believe how quickly everything was moving, and acknowledges that having a client like Ashlyn who is both easygoing and has a clear vision of what she likes makes her job much easier.

And so the project starts without a hitch. Christen does what she does best and fully immerses herself in her work. She lets it consume her over the next month, as her need for perfection drives her. She knows in the back of her mind that she shouldn’t let work be an excuse to isolate herself from her friends and family, but she also can’t bring herself to go out and see anyone. _I’m too busy. I hardly have time to do anything for myself, much less with other people._

So, with that mindset, Christen finishes working on Ashlyn’s house in record time. When she is sure that every little decoration is placed perfectly, and that every couch and rug is set just right, she allows Ashlyn to enter the house that she had not been in for a week so that the final reveal would be a surprise. Like they do for all of their clients, Christen had Mal, Julie, Zach, and Ali all come to see the result of their work. Christen had adorned the entrance with cute white and pale blue balloons, and a bottle of champagne sits on the island in the kitchen with a handwritten note from Christen.

Then, she and the rest of the team wait with anticipation as Ashlyn drives up to the house, gets out of her car, and practically skips up to them. “I’m so ready to see this. Can you tell I’m really fucking excited?!” Ashlyn beams

Christen smiles, opens the front door, and steps aside. “Welcome to your new home”

Ashlyn takes one step inside and freezes, her eyes wide. “It’s… so beautiful!”

Before Christen can process what is happening, Ashlyn is crushing her in a hug before just as quickly moving to hug the rest of her team. Christen laughs to herself when she sees the blush on the cheeks of both Ali and Ashlyn, but it soon fades as Ashlyn gets swept up in the beauty of her new house.

The large windows in the living room allow sunlight to filter through onto the white couches, which are adorned with pillows that perfectly match the large piece of abstract art that is hanging on the wall behind them, a gift from one of Ashlyn’s friends.

“Oh man, Tobin is going to love it when she sees this.” Ashlyn whispers in awe

“Is she the one who made that? It is really beautiful” Julie remarks

“Yeah, she’s pretty fucking talented. You guys are coming tonight right? You can meet her!” Ashlyn says as she continues to walk through the house.

The team gives Ashlyn a chorus of ‘hell yeah’ and ‘wouldn’t miss it’ except for, of course, Christen. Ashlyn turns and looks at her with her narrowed eyes.

Christen takes a step back with her hands raised in defense. “Look Ashlyn, I appreciate your offer but I don’t really go out much. It’s not my thing.”

“All the more reason for you to come tonight! Come on Christen, you guys can bring anyone you want. I promise it won’t be too crazy.”

“Yeah, you should come Christen!” Mal says “besides, you have been working yourself way too hard with all of this. Let yourself have a little fun every once in a while.”

Christen looks between the people around her, all staring at her with hopeful faces. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Fine. But don’t expect me to stay too long.”

Ashlyn cheers and fist pumps the air, a huge grin on her face. “Hell yeah! I can’t wait to show this place off. Be here at 8:30, we’ll have some food and it’ll be chill... probably.”

Christen shakes her head, wondering what she just agreed to. Part of her was already dreading the night, knowing that the last time she went out was when Kelley dragged her to a bar. Shaking the memory from her brain, she continues to walk around the house with Ashlyn and her team.

Ashlyn hugs them all again as they are leaving, and reminds them of the time of the party that night. “Feel free to bring a few more people too! I don’t mind the extra company.”

Julie looks at Christen, knowing that she would probably be uncomfortable with the crowd that would likely be there. “Maybe we could invite Kelley and her friends?”

“Oh, I’m sure Kelley would love it, but I can’t promise that she won’t get into trouble” Christen says, thinking of all of the things that her best friend would do in college.

“She would fit right in with some of my friends” Ashlyn smiles “Alright, I’ll see all of you lovely people tonight!”

\---

Christen is sitting on her bed waiting for her hair to dry, and as always, she doesn't know what to wear. Would a dress be too formal? Or would jeans be to casual? The temperature isn’t too bad now, but what if it gets chilly later? Or what if the house is cold? Should she wear a sweater, or a shirt with a jacket? Should she wear heels? Sneakers? Boots? In the end she calls Kelley and Ali, who are happy to come over and help. Ali picks out her ripped black mom jeans, along with a little white crop top.

As Christen changes into her clothes, Ali continues to dig through her closet. “Aha! I found them.” She said as she pulls out some black combat boots. “You _have_ to wear these. Oh! And put that belt on.”

Christen eyes the boots cautiously, knowing that Ali was probably right about her style choices but still not feeling perfectly comfortable. “Al, I have literally worn those once in my life”

“Yeah, and you looked so badass” Kelley chimes in from her spot on the bed

“Do you really think badass is a word that describes me?” Christen asks

“It will be tonight! Put them on while I grab a few more accessories” Ali says as she pushes the boots into Christen’s hands.

By the time Ali is done with her hair and makeup and Kelley is done hyping her up, Christen has to admit that she looks pretty damn good. And honestly, she feels good too.

“We gotta leave soon, Sonny Rose and Sam are meeting us there but I don’t want to get there after them so they don’t feel uncomfortable.” Kelley says as she pushes Christen and Ali towards the door.

They arrive at the house shortly before Kelley’s friends, and find that Mal, Julie, and Zach are already there. Already feeling overwhelmed by the many strangers in the room, Christen tries to find a quieter space but her effort is futile when she is pulled towards the bar by Kelley, who insists that she have a shot.

Christen obliges but grimaces at the strong taste of alcohol as it burns down her throat.

“Alright Chrissy, let’s dance!” Kelley exclaims, pulling her towards the music.

Christen takes a breath, and decides that tonight she will let herself be free. She dances with Kelley and Sonny for a few songs, until someone catches her eye. She’s standing near the large speakers with a few others, laughing and dancing like the most carefree person in the world. Before she can envy the other girl too much, someone grabs her hand and spins her in a circle.

“Christen! You made it!” Ashlyn smiles as she lets go of Christen’s hand

“Hey! This is really great Ashlyn, thank you for inviting me.”

“No, thank _you_. Seriously. This wouldn’t have been possible without you. Actually, I was wondering if I could turn down the music in a few minutes and introduce you?”

“Uh… sure, that’s fine. Just tell me when.”

True to her word, the music is turned down after the next song ends.

Ashlyn stands up on a stool and whistles to get everyone’s attention. “Hey everyone, I just wanted to say welcome and thank you all for coming! And a special thank you goes out to Christen and her team at _Impressions_ who designed this beautiful house: Mal, Julie, Zach, and Ali. I love it so much. Christen, will you come up here?”

Christen makes her way to the front of the room, a blush evident on her cheeks. She catches the eye of the girl from before, who seems to be off in her own world, not really paying attention to Ashlyn. _That’s kinda rude_ Christen thinks. But before she knows it she is being pulled up onto a chair by Ashlyn, a champagne glass pushed into her hand.

Ashlyn turns back to her guests and announces “are you all ready to party?” which is followed by a bunch of cheers as she pops open the champagne bottle in her hand. She pours some into Christen’s glass and into her own, before raising it in the air. “Here’s to Christen, for designing this house, and for getting this champagne!”

Christen laughs and clinks her glass with Ashlyn’s before taking a sip and stepping off of the chair. “You really are something else, Ashlyn. I have loved working with you.”

“Ditto. Hey Ali! Come over here and let me introduce you and Christen to some of my friends” Ashlyn says as she steers them towards a group of girls. “This is Megan but we call her Pinoe, and then that is Allie, Alex, Lindsey, and Tobin.”

Christen smiles and waves at the girls, noting that the mysterious girl’s name is Tobin. _I’ve heard her name before… oh! She is the one that did the big painting!_

“Christen, I’m sure you’ve heard it before but this house is fucking awesome” Pinoe says.

“Thanks, but I couldn’t have done it without my team. Ali here deserves just as much credit. And, uh, Tobin? Your art really tied everything together. It is beautiful” Christen says with a soft smile, making eye contact with the stranger. _Damn, she is stunning. No wonder such beautiful art comes from such a beautiful person. Fuck. No. Get yourself together Christen._ She listens to see if Tobin would respond, but is a little disappointed to see that the girl only smiles and nods a little. Christen starts to listen to the conversation going on around her, but quickly feels overwhelmed by the loud voices and new people, so she excuses herself and leaves to find that quiet place she was looking for earlier in the night.

Luckily for her, she knows the house well, so she makes her way into a small library and away from the noise. This is her favorite room in the house, because it has a little nook by the window that she decorated with comfortable pillows and lots of plants. She sits down and looks out at the stars, allowing herself to breathe a little easier now that she wasn’t surrounded. As she stares at the moon, she lets her mind wander.

First, she thinks about her mother, and how her pale grey eyes always reminded her of the moon. Then, her sister, and all of the late night conversations they would have under their covers. She looks out at the darkness. It all seems so lonely. She thinks of that last night with Evelyn, when she told Christen that she couldn’t be around someone so depressing. She thinks of how lonely her bed has felt since then, and yet how that was nothing compared to the loneliness of her heart without her mother and her sister.

_Seriously Christen? How come you can’t just have one good night for once. You are so fucking pathetic._

Christen looks back at the moon once more before deciding that she should join the party again. As she leaves the room, she checks the time on her phone and decides that she could stay for at least one more hour. As she’s about to put her phone away, she runs into something, hard. Looking up, she realizes that it is Tobin, standing in the doorway looking into the crowd of people.

Tobin turns around as apologies fly from Christen’s lips and she just… stares. Christen shifts uncomfortably under the complex gaze of the other woman. “Um, okay well I’m sorry again. Have a good night Tobin” Christen rushes out as she flees back into the crowd.

Tobin simply gives her a small smile and steps to the side, out of the way.

\---

Soon, Christen forgets about the weird encounter as she dances with Kelley, Ali, and Ashlyn.

“Oh, before I forget” Ashlyn says above the music as she dances next to Christen “I just wanted to let you know that one of my friends might be interested in you helping with some design things for them. It is for their business, not their house. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s totally okay. Who is it?”

“It’s Tobin... Why do you look so surprised?” Ashlyn asks when she sees Christen’s reaction

“No reason, really. I just didn’t think she liked me that much. She didn’t really say anything whenever I talked to her” Christen shrugs.

Ashlyn bursts out laughing, and catches the attention of Ali and Kelley who look somewhat concerned.

Christen is bewildered, “what is it?”

“Oh Christen. My sweet, sweet Christen.” Ashlyn smiles, putting a hand on Christen’s shoulder. “Honey, Tobin is deaf. She can probably tell what you’re saying because she can read lips, but I doubt she’d feel comfortable trying to talk at all with all this music. And since you probably don’t know sign language, that makes communication pretty hard.”

Christen’s eyes widen. _Oh._

It all makes sense now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Not every person has been introduced yet (obviously) but trust me she will be meeting Tobin soon! This chapter was mainly so you can get a sense for Christen's life and a little of her past.
> 
> If you got this far, thank you for reading! 
> 
> I will update this as soon as I can, it all depends on my work schedule.


End file.
